My Twisted Observation of Society
Read carefully, there could be some truth to it.
The majority of people running around the world hate themselves, and have no clue they do. They are so “unaware” while trapped in whatever distraction society, trauma, or family conditioning got them hooked on, that their torment “escapes” them. At least at the level they are capable of comprehending in that moment.
Maybe it’s just me?
Maybe I just view things from a little darker cloud than most, but I see it every day in people I meet. Very few people could spend a month alone. The silence would fucking kill them. Everyone wants alone time, but no one will take the plunge to do it. So they surround themselves with whoever and whatever helps them avoid themselves.
Social media has made it so easy to replace the person you said you love, with another person you can love tomorrow. Love doesn’t work that way, but escapes do. We are so quick to criticize, and judge someone else’s life while throwing a sheet over our own. It’s just easier that way.
Ever since I’ve started writing here I’m learning so much about myself that I ignored. And the truth is, I can’t handle it. It’s easier living a life with blinders on, while watching the problems all around me. While focusing on them, and avoiding my own.
I’m realizing all my fucking problems, for the most part, are my own doing, almost every god damn one of them.
But I love to blame the alcohol, the relationship, the trauma, the person who left a bad comment, my reactions, family, it’s all excuses while I keep running in circles looking for an exit, but enjoy checking each door.
The path in the right direction brings me great anxiety for some reason, and I’m not sure why.
Doesn’t matter if I’m happy, or sad, I want to fuck it up, and sabotage it as quickly as possible. There isn’t a great situation I couldn’t make bad, or a bad situation worst. It’s in my blood. I literally think myself into a depression that seems impossible to escape because it’s what I’ve programmed myself to do.
The worst I can make myself feel, the more I’ll ruminate on that miserable thought. It’s fucking sick. I control my thoughts, but at times I let them control me. My mind isn’t broken, I just listen to it too much, and the noise around me.
I’ve finally become aware what, and why I do.
Every bad decision, or choice starts with a thought. And with that thought you chose the right/wrong action which will pull you closer to the path you want, or push you down the one you don’t.
It’s that simple.
I tend to take the past with least resistance, even if it has the possibility to kill me in the end.
It’s that bad.
Is it projection?
The noise.
You're correct. I have been in solitude for 21/2 years, and I really don't think a lot of people could handle that much time alone. As for the other stuff. Have You ever considered the possibility that what Pink Floyd says is true? "There's someone in My head, but it's not me."